Liquid Memories
by InsaneNuclearUnit
Summary: Let it never be said that Jacob Black was a bad babysitter. Now, he might turn out to be perfect for that knight-in-shining-armor job, too. And that's good, because Renesmee's birthday brings some unexpected reactions. Jacob/Nessie
1. Hot Chocolate

I have been... no, not on hiatus. More like dead. Sorry, sorry. No one probably cares, anyway. But hey, look at that, my favourite book ressurected me. Now all I have to do is push that huge bouler away from the cave entrance.

And that's metaphor speak for getting rid of writer's block.

Review. Please. Critique to your heart's content. But please, don't bash my opinions, like the fact that I love Jacob and I like Renesmee's name and I think they're perfect together. Not. Your. Problem. Go be a little spoiled kid somewhere else.

**Hot Chocolate**

Let it never be said that Jacob Black was a bad babysitter. No, on the contrary, he was great – he never got tired, he always had something new to show, he was protective, he was warm… in more ways than one. But the fact that I got tired of _him_ sometimes remained. After all, who could blame me? I liked to spend a bit of time with my daughter, too. As it was, he was monopolizing her all day – every day. And sometimes at night, too, because he was like a walking, talking heater.

So today when I had come back from a particularly long hunting trip with Alice and practically ran into the house expecting my Renesmee to be waiting for me, I had a good reason to be disappointed. Because she wasn't there. That is, she wasn't in the living room, prepared to greet me. Her fluttering heart was located in the kitchen, right next to a bigger, rhythmic one. Right next to Jacob. Again.

"Bella, do dry your hair before you commit murder. The carpet…" Alice began, but then gave up as I disappeared without bothering to listen. Wet hair was a consequence of rain, and rain was nature. There was nothing I could do about that. But my love for Renesmee was nature, too, so why was I being denied that now?

They were there of course, sitting together all cozy-like at our polished wooden kitchen table. The one tenth of a second that I stood there before they noticed me was all it took to quickly comprehend the situation. She was sitting on his lap, staring at a white mug that her skinny fingers were wrapped around. It was giving off miniature clouds of steam and a particularly chocolate-like smell. Jacob was telling her something quietly, and she was communicating back to him – her back was pressed up against his chest. It seemed like a completely tranquil – and normal – day, but for me, it was just annoying because of its constant reoccurrence.

"Momma!" her voice chimed suddenly, temporarily making me forget my frustration. She launched herself into my arms gracefully and I caught her and spun her around, pressing her warm body up against my chest. Her arms hung loosely around my neck and I noted that she'd grown a bit again. The difference was miniscule – but there. And to think that I'd only been gone three days…

My thoughts were interrupted by a torrent of my daughter's: she was showing me the major events of my absence. She'd beaten Jacob at chess with Daddy's help – he wasn't a very good player. Rosalie and she had taken a trip to the mall in Seattle and everyone had stared at them like they were angels. She hunted with Jacob and they'd met a grizzly bear and took him down together. Emmett was jealous. I smiled at her and she returned the favor, stunning me with her beauty yet again.

Someone shuffled closer to me, interrupting our moment. I knew immediately, so I didn't bother to look away from Renesmee, choosing to study her curls instead of giving in to the temptation of glaring at Jake.

"Hey, Bella." He said cheerily. I sighed inwardly and glanced up at him, making sure to compose my face into something less than vexation.

"Hi Jake. Having fun?" I asked. I sounded a bit bitter.

He didn't seem to notice. "Yeah, I got her some hot chocolate since it was raining. You know, since it's like a comfort food."

I looked back at Renesmee. "Do you like it?" I inquired, hoping she didn't. She touched my cheek briefly, explaining: It was interesting, and not as gross as some other things, but she still preferred blood. I smiled triumphantly. "That's good." I said.

Jacob smiled, too, misunderstanding the exchange – as he was meant to.

"Momma, you're all wet." Renesmee said, reaching for my dripping strands of hair. I watched her, not really caring. Then again, Alice might be slightly mad at me if she found out that I got one of her little outfits soaked. Even if my daughter did have millions of them.

"Guess I better go change." I grinned, and walked out, taking Renesmee with me. Jacob trailed behind, not really eager to leave us alone. I tried to ignore him to the best of my abilities as I walked up the stairs. My child put her chin on my shoulder, watching him, no doubt. It didn't improve my mood any. We ventured into mine and Edward's room and I found myself wondering where he was – I still hadn't seen him. I did know that he was due to hunt soon, too, but I'd assumed that he would try to plan it before I'd come home. Perhaps he was at our house when I came – but he should have come here by now. Lost in these thoughts, I set Renesmee down onto the bed and went to the closet to try to find some regular clothes. Jacob hovered in the doorway. Too tired to put on my poker face, I sent him a small glare of exasperation.

"Girls only, Jake."

"Sorry, sorry." He mumbled, stepping out and shutting the door behind him. He didn't leave, though, and I felt the urge to tell him to go do something less annoying. Suppressing it, I dug through the neat piles of shirts until I found a blouse I'd left here some time ago. Then, I happily cast aside the colorful, expensive top I'd worn to Mexico. Alice could have it back – I really didn't feel the need to wear it anymore, especially here. Not unless I was afraid of being mistakenly shot by a hunter and needed one of those neon-orange vests.

Light footsteps danced down the hallway toward my room and my door burst open. I was already buttoning up my normal top, hoping that Alice wouldn't throw too much of a fit over it. Thankfully, she didn't seem to notice. Her dark eyes were trained on Renesmee.

"Nessie, your clothes are all wet!" she exclaimed in a mixture of horror and euphoria. The latter was probably due to her newly-discovered excuse to dress her up again. I rolled my eyes and then noticed Jacob peeking into the room through the open door. My lips pulled back, revealing my teeth. Couldn't anyone give me a little time alone with my Renesmee?

My sister turned to look at me, her expression thoughtful. "Oh, by the way, Bella, Edward should be here soon... well, now. He was kidnapped by Jasper and Emmett this morning."

It was as if a gust of wind had passed by, blowing away all of my previous symptoms of chagrin. My mind fluttered happily at the thought of seeing my husband again. After all, I'd have plenty of time to steal Renesmee back from Jacob and Alice later. Forgetting my plans of grabbing a towel from the bathroom to dry my hair, I quickly jumped to Nessie to plant a kiss on her forehead, and then flew out the door and down the stairs.

He was there, waiting for me like a personal angel. His smile was priceless and drew me in like a magnet. I didn't bother with the last five steps down the stairs – I launched myself into his arms immediately, without hesitation. There was still a little part of me that was smug when I felt his balance falter at the collision.

"Hello, love." He laughed, nuzzling my ear. I felt him inhale the scent of my hair and smiled, indulging in the same thing myself. He smelled wonderful – like always. We clung to each other for only a second, but it was long enough. I wanted to see his face too much to keep still.

"I heard you were kidnapped." I told him, smiling. His eyes, as I noticed, were butterscotch again. Light and cheerful. So he did hunt. "Did you fight them off bravely?"

"No, I ran." He admitted. "There is a problem with fighting when a certain someone is busy making you feel very mellow." He scowled briefly, but then replaced it with a grin again.

"That's fine." I said, pulling myself closer to him to touch our lips together. "As long as you escaped in time."

"Not exactly, from what I gather. I wasn't here to meet you, and I hear that Jacob thinks you were slightly mad at having Renesmee taken away again." He frowned. "I am sorry about that. But you know I can't just shove him out the door."

"No, I wouldn't want you to." I sighed. No matter how annoying Jake might have been getting, he was still nice to have around. As long as he didn't cling to Nessie all the time. Which tended to happen. "But how long has he been here? Doesn't he have a pack to lead back at La Push? He can't have forgotten."

"He hasn't, and he does leave, but only when he has to. Mostly when she's sleeping or playing with someone else." Edward pursed his lips, a mix of amusement and frustration on his perfect face. "It's very hard to convince him to do something for himself when he so sincerely loves her and wants her to be happy. There's no reasoning with him. She's his only logic now."

I didn't have an answer to that so I settled for simply staring off into the nearest window. It was stained with raindrops, glistening beautifully in the half-light of the gloom. I'd gotten to like rain very much. I liked it even more now, when it was relaxing and allowed me to simply stare at it while Edward's arms were still comfortably on my waist. This was where I wanted to be.

But peace didn't last long in a household with a special girl and an imprinted werewolf.

"Heads up." Edward told me quietly, almost like he was talking to himself. I cocked my head, listening to the footsteps on the second floor.

A few moments later, Jacob blew past us, Renesmee on his shoulders. I arched my eyebrows but he didn't stop to explain – just ran back into the kitchen. I turned to my husband for an explanation.

"He's 'rescuing' her from Alice." He chuckled, taking my hand. "C'mon, let's go rescue her from him."

I was all too happy to comply. It was only minutes ago that I'd gotten back to my family, and I was already back in the natural flow of things. It seemed right, too. Even if I did like peace, sometimes chaos was fun. Of course, Jacob provided that part, too. Another reason to keep him around. As if the other dozen weren't enough.

We only had time to see Jacob and Renesmee hiding under the table – a silly game, considering whom she was playing with. But she was having fun, and that was what was important. Even Alice seemed to understand that, because when she danced in right after us, she narrowed her eyes theatrically and surveyed the perimeter of the room.

"Renesmee," she sang cheerfully, "Wouldn't you rather try on the new channel boots I got for you? Remember the ones from the catalog?"

If the family ties in the Cullen had been – haha – by blood, I would have simply blamed Nessie's liking for fashion on genetics. As it was, I could only assume that Alice and Rose had brainwashed her. Because that sentence had her peeking out from under her safe haven, even as Jacob desperately tried to pull her back.

"There you are!" Alice exclaimed, eyes sparkling. "Now let's go see how they'll look with your new European coat…"

"Traitor!" Jacob whined.

Nessie giggled. I laughed, too, not being able to resist, and within seconds, everyone else had joined in.

This was my family. The way it was supposed to be. The way I wanted it. The way it was. Nothing in the world could ruin that, I thought. Especially not with the upcoming happy event. One of the best moments of my life, human and vampire.

* * *

"It's your birthday in two days." Edward told her quietly. She rolled over from her side onto her back, staring up at him with her chocolate eyes. Her mouth turned up into an expectant smile.

"I remember." She told him. He laughed quietly, stroking the soft curls around her face. The rest of her hair was pulled together into a braid for the night.

"Did you want anything special?" he asked. "I know you'll get lots of gifts, but you can tell me what you really want and I'll get it for you."

I knew he would. In a way, Edward was nearly as smitten with her as Jacob was. He was a great father, of course, but I sometimes worried that he'd spoil her. She always got what she wanted when she asked Daddy. He practically melted when she looked at him in that cute way of hers. I couldn't blame her, of course, she was his daughter. She had a claim on him, too.

I heard her huff thoughtfully. There was the quietest rustle of blankets – she was probably reaching up to touch his face. I hoped that he was say it aloud, at least for my sake.

He did. "A motorcycle?!"

My mouth dropped open but I quickly shut it again, trying to contain my shock.

"Like my Jacob has." She explained. I wanted to bang my head against the wall all of a sudden. But holes were not good decorations, so I resisted.

Edward gave a nervous laugh. "That's interesting, but I think your mother wouldn't approve of that."

_You coward_, I thought, wishing he could hear me. _You don't approve, either_.

"But it looks like fun." She insisted.

"We'll figure something out." He promised, probably wanted to finish the conversation so that he could flee. "Good night."

"Good night, Daddy."

He turned off her bedside lamp and walked out into the hallway where I was waiting, leaning against one of the bookshelves. I gave him a cynical look and he immediately responded with a guilty one. We couldn't talk now – Renesmee's hearing was as good as ours. We waited until we were back in our room – and Edward immediately took my hands in his, probably trying to soften me up. It worked.

"I'm sorry. But we will figure something out." This time, he said it for me. But it meant something completely different. I rolled my eyes.

"You're too soft with her." I told him. I knew it was unfair – everyone was. Even me. But at least I could have said 'no'. "What if she thinks she's getting one now? I'm blaming Jake. And you, too."

He laughed a bit, more confident. "I said I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you?" he leaned in, his forehead touching mine. Our eyes met and I felt my resent melting away.

"I see you've been taking lessons from our daughter." I commented. "Or maybe she inherited it from you. I don't even know anymore."

"You haven't answered my other question." He prodded. I gave a small smile.

"Maybe. If you try really hard." I teased.

That was all the confirmation he needed. Things took their natural course from there – as they did almost every night for us, still. I doubted I'd ever get tired of it. It seemed impossible.

This night, though, it turned out to be our curse. We were so focused on each other, so distracted… I wonder now how it's possible that we could have missed it. Could love actually make you blind? But for that night, it did. That's why we probably missed it. We missed what'd happened in the other room. We missed her dream, we missed her decision.

And suddenly, we were missing her.

No fluttering heartbeat. No steady breathing of our little girl asleep. Nothing.

I wish I didn't remember running into the room. I wish I'd forgotten, from the shock, the impact that empty bed had on me.

She was gone. Gone, gone, gone.

I didn't remember screaming her name. Edward later told me he thought for a brief second I was actually in physical pain. And in a way, I was.

She was missing.


	2. Coffee

Hey there, long time no see. Not really, since I was actually on vacation. Otherwise I would have updated much earlier. :)

If you take the time to notice, you'll realize that I have changed the story's name and have also added a divider to the first chapter since it was a tad confusing before. I'd forgotten that this Story format messes with your paragraph breaks.

Anyway, thank you for all fo the reviews, they're greatly appreciated and help me write more. Here's the second chapter - I hope it doesn't bore you to death. There's not a lot of action yet... but I am trying to take it at a steady pace. After all, if I go too fast, people will be confused.

This is from Jacob's point of view. Chapter one was from Bella's, obviously.

* * *

Jacob

**Coffee**

I thought at first that I was having a nightmare. Bella was screaming – just like she was that night. Like something inside of her broke. Like someone had torn her limb off.

I turned around immediately and bolted for the hellish sound. There wasn't even a conscious thought to it – it was just a reaction. The only problem was that I wasn't doing it fast enough – I needed to be _there_ right _now_. I should have been there before it started. I should have prevented whatever it was that was happening. It shouldn't have happened at all. Bella shouldn't have been screaming.

_Not Nessie, not Nessie, not Nessie_…. My mind chanted in panic. I couldn't think clearly with the idea of her being hurt. It was just impossible. A black void. It terrified me. I even found myself, for a split second, wishing that one of Bella's limbs _had_ been torn off. I immediately shoved in aside in disgust, but that was how bad it was.

Except that the reality was much, _much_ worse.

She just wasn't there.

As I approached, I could tell that their little cottage was a mix of scents – vampire and hers. But the only two immediate persons inside that house were Bella and Edward. No Nessie. This befuddled me.

And then Bella appeared in front of me – just appeared, like a picture on a screen. Her large, orange eyes were wide with horror that reflected mine. I could feel myself go numb.

"Jake, Nessie's missing!" she screamed at me. I didn't mind that. I felt like screaming all of a sudden, too.

Instead, I launched myself inside the house, not believing her. What did she mean, _missing_?! That wasn't possible. Nessie couldn't be missing. There was no reason to it. It couldn't have happened. Impossible.

I harbored that thought, made it a nest, fed it to myself bit by bit to keep my sanity as I burst into her room. Empty. Her bed: empty. No Nessie. I shoved my muzzle into her pillow and inhaled her scent, trying to make myself choke on it. Then I was off again – it didn't take me long to find the trail. Through the window, into the woods. Away from the vampires' main house.

Off to the side, I heard Bella and Edward's short exchange – I didn't care much to pay enough attention. It was a miracle they were talking slowly enough for me to distinguish words, anyway.

"Someone has to go ask Alice…"

"I'm going to go look with Jake."

"Bella…"

"Go, Edward!!"

In a rush of wind, he was gone, understanding that she wouldn't have it any other way. Then, she flashed by me like a silvery streak, taking the lead. I followed, keeping myself focused on the smell and nothing else.

Woods, woods, woods, river.

I splashed into the water, almost ready to breathe it if it helped me. The scent was diluted slightly there. I wasn't afraid of losing it this way. Still, it made me worried. The river was cold. She could have jumped over in a more shallow part. Why was she going _through_ it? Was she hurt? I didn't smell any blood. It didn't make any sense, either.

I swam across to re-join Bella, who'd simply jumped. She didn't wait long for me – just took off again as soon as I stepped onto shore. I caught a glimpse of her eyes, though, and they were oddly blank. Like someone had just erased her world. That's how I felt, too. My ribcage was empty and heavy at the same time. My brain felt dead. Without Nessie, the world lost its meaning. She was like my sun. I orbited around her. Take her away and all the life died.

Woods again. Getting thinner now, closer to Forks. A sharp turn. Heading towards the main road. Still woods. Woods, woods, woods… highway.

I saw Bella stop just before leaving the safe haven of the trees and followed her example. We stood on the side of the road, frozen and trying to comprehend the situation. Trying to understand how this could have gone the way it did. How her scent could have just disappeared.

There was a faint trail of it leading away, but it was so light. I understood immediately, and Bella did, too, I knew. Still, neither of us wanted to admit it.

"Let's go," she finally said. I didn't question whether she meant to go back – that wasn't it. We weren't giving up. No matter how hopeless this seemed right now… giving up simply wasn't an option. It was as impossible as the situation itself.

She'd run to the highway and… hitchhiked. Gotten into someone's car and driven away. Why – how?! The latter wasn't actually that difficult. She wasn't just a baby anymore. Almost a year old, but around four or five in appearance. And beautiful – ever so beautiful. It wouldn't take long for someone to stop. To take her.

_Take her_. Everything inside of me twisted at the thought. I wanted to tear him apart. Whoever this was, this person who'd stopped for her. And I would when I found him. I'd shred him into little pieces and make him sorry for ever being born, let alone setting his eyes on my Nessie.

But _why_? A part of me moaned. That was the real problem here. Why would Nessie ever do this? What had happened to make her ever leave the safe home and her family and me?

So many questions and no answers. Nothing at all to give us at least a little shred of hope. Already, her scent was becoming polluted with the rest of humanities' as the road traveled closer to the city. She was gone, long gone. We'd never be able to find her once she was mixed in with the rest of the people in the city. Looking for a needle in a haystack.

"Jake, be quiet." Bella ordered. I hadn't realized I was whimpering until she mentioned something. I could tell that she was hurting just as much as I was, though. I was wondering how she could have been so composed herself. But then, when I looked over at her again I saw the signs of weakness: her badly paced run, her distracted gaze, her tightly clenched fists…

We ran until we could go no further – until we reached the city and were at the last piece of the forest, just barely hidden. Nessie's scent was like a mirage now. I thought it was there, but that might have just been a hope. The noise of the cars stung my ears. I didn't want to go near them, but at the same time, I wanted more than ever to just keep going until we found her. Until she was back with me, safe, healthy…

I felt a dry sob and realized that Bella was attempting to cry. She obviously couldn't, though, because she was shaking silently – except for the occasional gasps. I let her, knowing it would probably help. I sort of wished I could cry, but I couldn't for another reason. I was too dead inside to cry. My emotions had been tinted gray. My sun was gone. My Nessie was missing. The only thing to do now was to look for her. No point crying. Just find her, find her, find her.

Perhaps ten minutes passed as we stood there, mourning our lost trail. Time seemed irrelevant. I didn't really know what the plan was anymore. I just knew that I didn't want to phase – I wouldn't be able to keep the scent there if I was human. If I was human, though, I would be able to go into the city.

Sounds of two people approaching startled us into consciousness. The two vampires – Edward and Alice – had apparently followed us. I didn't really care, unless they had good news. From what I knew, Alice couldn't see Renesmee.

"Bella." She breathed as they came into view and Bella collapsed into her. She seemed to be begging, though, quietly – so quietly that I couldn't hear. Alice's face was pained as she answered, "No, I didn't. I just saw you panic… I've been trying, though. Don't worry, everything will be alright, everything will be fine."

Empty, useless words. Lies. What could be alright if Nessie wasn't here?

"Jacob, stop it." Edward threatened. I glared at him, hate bubbling inside me. Its burn was a gentle caress compared to the icy emptiness of depression. "We _will_ find her." He said through clenched teeth.

"There has to be a way." Bella insisted, seeming to cling to his determination. I wondered if she realized that he was just as lost as she was, though. Just as lost as we all were. "She can't just have gone missing. I just don't understand _why_—" she gasped in another sob but then changed tracks, "We have the best team for miles. The family, wolves… I'll tell Charlie to look, too; we'll raise every grain, every spec of dust, we'll find her, we'll find her. We'll turn the city upside down." She had stepped away from Alice and was chanting to herself now, staring at Edward as she did so. He stared back, trying to pretend he believed.

I sort of wished I did, too.

* * *

"Maybe we're starting this from the wrong angle." Carlisle theorized calmly. "Maybe we should first try to figure out _why_ she's gone."

We were situated in the living room. Edward was pacing across the length of it – probably just out of habit. Bella had frozen next to a window, looking outside. I was on the couch, trying to not rip out my hair. My limbs ached from the stillness – I wanted to get out and _move_, and _look_ and _find_. Not just sit here. It was almost painful. But everyone sat like statues. Unmoving. Not even breathing. It was creepy – like being trapped in a museum. I thought I'd gotten over those quirks by now, but maybe that was just because I was too concentrated on Nessie to notice.

"We don't even know what could have led up to this. All we've figured out is that she's apparently moving on her own. She's running." Edward said, stating the obvious. "Unless she's been brainwashed somehow to do this against her will, it was her own decision. But even so, that doesn't tell us anything."

"How did she act before it happened?" Carlisle asked softly.

"Perfectly normal." Edward ground his teeth together. "We took her back home and she was tired. We put her to bed, said goodnight…there was nothing out of place."

"Did you say anything to her besides goodnight?"

"We talked about her birthday and what she wanted." He paused briefly and glanced at Bella. "But she couldn't have run away because of that."

She turned away from the window, her eyes still hollow, and nodded in agreement. "No, everything was fine. Besides, if this was about the gift, she'd have run to Jacob."

I didn't really understand them completely, but I didn't bother to. This wasn't an important piece of the puzzle. Something inside of me said so.

"Right." Edward continued. "So she was normal. And then we turned off the lights and left to go back to our room."

"But how could you have missed her?!" I snapped suddenly, glaring up at him. My patience was running low. All of this useless talking was getting us nowhere. We needed to know the vital points here. "You two are super bloodsuckers for crying out loud. Why didn't you hear?! How could you?!" I was almost yelling now, yelling at Edward. I was accusing him. And I had a right to. It was his fault – he'd somehow allowed for the impossible to happen. He'd let himself get distracted. Why would he even allow such a thing? Wasn't Nessie the most important thing in the world to him, too? Or was I the only one left who actually cared about—

"Jacob, _stop_." He snarled. My mind automatically screeched to a halt. "It's my fault, I know that, I just never thought…"

"It's not your fault." Bella insisted, defending him again. She looked guilty, but not in a way that made me feel better. "We were both distracted."

"Distracted enough to not notice your own daughter climb out the window? What were you two doing that—" I paused, and then studied Edward's face. It was rigid, and his lips were pulled tightly into a frown. It seems that he was trying to make me understand something.

_Oh_. I suddenly thought.

Then… "For the love of— Urgh!!" I groaned, hiding my own face in my hands. I couldn't even bare to discuss this. This was taking all of the wrong turns. Behind the couch, I thought I heard Emmett whisper a laugh. I wanted to kick him in the stomach. Really hard.

"So then what could have possibly happened?" Carlisle said, finally coming back into the conversation. He seemed unbothered by the revelation.

The parents had nothing. The person everyone looked at was Alice. She sat on the floor by Jasper, her pixie-like face tight in concentration. I assumed she had nothing to give us, either. Everyone lapsed into another silence.

Anther silence that I wouldn't tolerate.

"This discussion is _done_." I commanded, standing up. "It's completely useless. We need to find her, not waste out time. If she's in the city right now she's in danger every second we spend here. Just get out there and _search_. I'll take my guys, I'll ask Sam… You can call Charlie if you think that helps. Just gather everyone we know. If we have enough people to cover more ground…"

Bella was looking at me like she couldn't decide whether I'd gone crazy or turned into her favorite superhero. I almost wanted to hug her, but that would have taken time, too, and we couldn't afford to lose any more. Even for reassuring ourselves that it would be fine. I didn't want to know the outcome unless it was good, and even Alice couldn't guarantee us that.

* * *

We'd split up. Not in a good way, mind you, because somehow I'd ended up with Edward while Bella cruised around with Alice. I probably should have been angry about that, but I didn't much care. I also didn't care that I was riding in the Mercedes Guardian – a fact that should tell you just how much Nessie meant to me.

What did matter was that we were now driving around the city with the windows down, desperately trying to cover every block within minimum time. I'd lost track of how many red lights Edward ran. He tried to say that the lights were still yellow. I didn't argue. I was concentrating on trying to catch her scent while in my human form. It was a bother, but the vampires had insisted that doing it this was would actually be easier than trying to hide myself as a wolf in an industrial area.

"I think you're skipping." I told him after seeing us turn off of one of the roads we'd been following. "We haven't been there yet."

"Bella and Alice have." He answered shortly. "They're trying to cover more ground than we are so that Alice can try to get a reading. I'm just going into the corners she didn't visit."

I turned back to the window and inhaled. Smoke, gasoline, perfume, sweat, artificial cleaners, food… None of them were pleasing. And none of them were Nessie.

"I wonder if she could mask her scent somehow." Edward mumbled aloud, probably for my benefit. To keep me from going crazy, I guess.

"Jacob, you're getting drowsy. This isn't about benefit. This is about keeping you awake." He said.

"I'm fine." I insisted, not knowing what he was talking about. The only thing wrong with my mind was the lack of Nessie.

"And the lack of sleep. You're exhausted."

"Wouldn't be the first time." I grunted.

"Jacob, we need your help here. Don't try to save the day by making yourself fall unconscious. You'll only be a bother this way. Do you want an Espresso?"

I was stung by the fact that he thought of me as a bother, but pushed it away. As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. I could use caffeine. "We'll lose time if we stop." I continued stubbornly.

"We'll lose a lot more time if you suddenly collapse."

His logic was making a lot of sense right now. I didn't like that. "How quickly can you get me to the nearest cappuccino?"

He responded by suddenly jerking the wheel to the left, pulling us into a nearly-empty parking lot in front of a mall. The line of stores beside it was mainly dark but a Starkbucks appeared to be populated. I realized all of a sudden that it was already morning. I wondered what time it was. Four? Five?

My mushy attention shifted back to Bella's husband. He stood in front of the door, not moving, not going in. I wondered why the hell not. Then I realized it was still closed.

Before I could get mad at him for wasting time like this, I saw him raise his hand and beckon to someone inside. I bet all of my larger intestines and my left kidney that it was a girl he was trying to lure out. Sure enough, three long seconds later, the door was unlocked and she stepped out, sleepy-eyed and staring at Edward like an apparition or a ghost. I'd seen that look on enough human faces to know that she was just as stricken with the vampire as any of them. I didn't have enough energy to be annoyed with that fact. I was too thankful for his powers of quick persuasion.

Soon, but still not soon enough, we pulled back out onto the road. Now I had a cup of empowering liquid between my hands, already half-consumed. We continued with the previous procedure – with my head stuck out of the window as we sped down the lane, trying to capture air. Trying to bring back home my Nessie.

"Our Nessie." Edward murmured in a low voice. I could hear him, but I didn't act as if I had. He just didn't understand. He might have been able to read my mind but he couldn't read my emotions – the emotions that tied me to his daughter.

The vampire made a frustrated noise in the back on his throat, so I closed my eyes and let memories of her time with me floor my senses. I remembered her scent more clearly that way – immersed in the times we'd shared together.

Just a couple of days ago when we'd hunted together – her footsteps in pace with mine, lightweight and agile. I never stopped marveling at her grace and beauty – not even for a second. And I knew I never would. Just like I'd never stop loving her. The way she paused, swaying in a half-completed jump to balance – a movement so slight it took eyes like mine to notice it. Her face, the way her eyes focused on mine, communicating wordlessly. The slight smile that decorated her lips, emotions flickering like colors. Half-dazed chocolate irises that moved in a sweeping motion over our surroundings. Searching for what she'd smelled – as I had. The bear, our hunt. Her frustration when I'd gotten protective of her – not letting her have her fun. The way her fingers curled into my fur, reaching toward the skin, giving me her thoughts. Sharing with me, always sharing. I knew she always spoke like this to everybody but to me it seemed more special. She liked that - being special to me. She told me that I was special to her, too.

My memories of the hunt faded slowly as I realized I was losing concentration. I wondered why Edward hadn't said anything while I took another long gulp of coffee. I glanced at him sideways and found him spacing. His eyes looked unfocused, staring at something far away. Listening to someone's thoughts. Mine?

"Hey," I shoved my fist into his forearm. A quick check told me that the car hadn't suffered from his state. We were still moving through the lane better than all of the human drivers.

He snapped out of it then and immediately began to report – "Alice and Bella haven't found anything. They're going to search the town's perimeter now, try to see if Renesmee left the city."

The news wasn't good to me even though he'd said it in a neutral tone. "They might have missed her – Alice can't see Nessie."

"I know that, but it's still worth a try. Nothing is certain, Jacob, but we still have our ways. She's had more time with her now, there's more hope." His grip on the wheel tightened and I knew he was convincing himself, not me. "Besides, Alice has a way of looking. She's searching for a blank spot – a thing she can't see. It's the way she found Nahuel."

I leaned back on the chair, looking through my memory to try to figure out whom the familiar name had belonged to.

"The other half-vampire. Alice found him when… the Volturi came." Edward explained.

I nodded slowly and took another drink, finishing up the cup. "I remember."

It's not a thing you forget.

"Anyway, Alice found Nahuel without any sort of lead, just on a whim, a notion. Looking for Renesmee this way, especially with that sort of practice is certain to bring results." He continued.

"Then why aren't we seeing them?" I grumbled, but more to myself than him. I knew he'd react again, probably, but I didn't want to argue. We could argue later, when Nessie was safe.

He agreed. "Give Alice time, Jacob. Nessie hasn't even been missing that long." He paused, took a deep breath and listed off through his teeth - "Five hours and forty-two minutes."

Was it that much? It felt like an eternity to me.

"Me, too." He sighed.

We rode in silence for at least fifteen more minutes. I realized in the dark corner of my mind, that we were running out of blocks to explore. Soon, we would be done with the entire city. That didn't leave a lot of room for good results. It meant that Nessie could be outside, all on her own. Or maybe even hurt, scared… confused. I sure was. Mostly the latter. I was seriously honestly confused. By her mysterious motives, by her decision. No matter how comforting it was, I didn't believe she'd been brainwashed.

My patience wore thin again and I turned away from the wind that whipped at my face to speak to my driver.

"Is this Nahuel really like Nessie? What if she's different? What if she'll be harder to find?"

He grit his teeth. "Jacob, that's not helping."

"You're not, either!" I spat. "Why can't you hear her thoughts?"

"We're in a city full of people. It's slightly difficult." He responded.

"You could hear Alice."

"She was close to me that one time, and she was looking for me, knowing I'd be listening. Renesmee is doing the opposite – she's hiding. To add to that, she knows how to avoid me."

I stared at him incredulously. "She can avoid you? How's that possible?"

"Nessie manipulates thoughts, too." He spoke as if he had to explain something simple to a young child. "She knows how to give them. And how not to. She knows how to silence her mind, in a way. How to make herself quiet."

I almost gave a low whistle of appreciation but very quickly stopped short. This was not the correct time to be admiring that sort of talent. This was the time to be cursing it.

"Fine then," I let him have that one. "But then what about Nahuel? Is it possible that finding him will differ from finding Nessie? I mean, I haven't heard about him very much – not even Nessie knows a lot."

"No, she doesn't. But she's heard plenty in the clearing – and so have you. He's very much like her. He was conceived the same way; he eats the same things as she does, has the same tendencies, growth patterns…"

"But he's poisonous." I added.

"Yes." Edward seemed a bit annoyed at my prodding. "But that shouldn't matter so much."

"And he was suicidal."

This drew a completely different reaction – he actually looked me in the face for once. His eyes were doubtful. "Excuse me?"

"Well, I don't know. He hated himself, didn't he? For killing his mom or something?" I tried to sound as knowledgeable as I could. After all, I'd only heard about it once, vaguely. Nessie had told me a long time ago – about a week after the vampire convention had broken up.

Edward's face became even more confused. "_Nessie_ told you about that?" he asked.

I shrugged, not understanding his over-reaction. "Yeah."

"Nessie doesn't know about that." He said, although he no longer sounded sure. "She was sleeping when me and Bella talked about that. And that was the only time."

"Well apparently she wasn't." I countered.

He hadn't looked at the road for more than thirty seconds now. I was beginning to worry about that, but he didn't notice. The car didn't stray from the lane, either. I wondered what it was that had concerned him so.

Finally, his gaze tore away from me but it was still lost.

"Not all of us can read minds you know." I said acidly. His unexplained behavior was beginning to bug me.

"There's not a lot to read. I just didn't expect that sort of revelation right now." His voice was distant. He was thinking about something else.

I wished I could be thinking, too, because I didn't like to be left out. He knew something I didn't. Or not exactly that, but some realization had taken place and I'd missed it. My heart missed it, too, and the worst thing was – this realization was _important_. I could feel it with my heart. This thought – the thought that Edward was having right now – could bring us to Nessie.

"Edward." I snarled.

His gold eyes drained their dream-like state, becoming sharp again. There was a pain in that sharpness. He'd felt what I had, and he'd lost it, too. We'd somehow found and fallen off of the road to our Nessie all in one minute.

My hand tightened, crushing the Styrofoam cup that was still nested in them. A drop of lukewarm coffee rolled down my palm. It felt cold to my burning skin. He already knew my choice before I made it. The car slowed down and eventually pulled over on the side of the road next to a gas-station.

"I'm going to look for her on foot." I said even though he already knew that. "You do whatever you want." My hand found the door handle and pulled at it. I stepped out, feeling the rush of night autumn air. It felt good. I didn't notice Edward drive away.

I was finally looking for my Nessie.


	3. Apple Cider

Renesmee

**Apple Cider**

I regretted my determination and blind will now. Now that I was lonely and uncomfortable and hungry… and lost. Perhaps running so swiftly had not been a good plan after all. I hated to admit it, but I'd acted like the child that I was – with fear in my veins. I'd fled. The thoughts of the word disgusted me. This was not a feeling I wanted to share with anyone. The disgusting feeling that scratched at my pride, making me more wary than I already was.

I closed my eyes and pulled my knees up so as to prop my chin on them.

The scratches on my pride were nothing compared to the gaping wounds in my heart, however. It felt so fragile now. Where had all the strength gone? It always accompanied me before. Through the desperate, fearful moments of my early days and the warm, happy memories of my life now… My heart always thrummed readily, punctuating every second with its lively rhythm. It still beat just as fast now, but the pace was panicked. Traces of the dream clouded my logic.

I shied away from the memory and skipped past it to my escape – through the window and into the woods. Their familiar smells, usually so comforting, now only served well as a cover. I raced past its murmuring trees and out to the road where the mechanical growl of the cars sounded. I must have looked frightened as I stood there, my eyes wide. It was no wonder the woman noticed me and pulled up. She had a kind face – a middle-aged, tired face. A human, unsuspecting face. I knew all about humans. They had no idea about what I was – not even Grandpa. She wouldn't be afraid of me.

"I need to get to the city." I told her, my voice slightly high from my nervousness. I adjusted it instantly back into a sweet perfection: "May I ride with you?"

She nodded, taken aback, as most were. I climbed into the back, taking care to press my body up against the door. I wanted to be far from her. She smelled sweet, just like they all did. I didn't even want to think about my thirst right then, be bothered by it. I wanted to forget all about blood.

We rode in silence, mostly, but she did inquire a few times about me – where were my parents? Why was I alone? Did someone try to hurt me?

I answered shortly, masking the evasions with lots of nonsense and jabber. She listened intently, never understanding that she was being fooled. I felt even more horrible then. I could manipulate her so easily. Why did this never bother me before! Why had I always assumed it was normal?! The fact that I could make people nervous by the way I moved – too gracefully, too much like a predator. The way I could make them enchanted by talking in my voice that sounded like crystal chimes in the wind.

That's how I'd gotten my only food here in the city. After I convinced the lady to finally drop me of at a random street, I disappeared into a store as if that'd been my plan all along. Inside was warm because it was a bakery – I could distinguish all of the different smells right away. I knew Jacob liked to eat sweets sometimes and Claire and her Quil always enjoyed a donut or two together. I'd never tasted it myself because it was too sweet.

The man behind the counter gave me one look and began to ask me the same questions the lady had. I avoided them carefully and pretended I needed to use the bathroom. Afterwards I'd come up to the counter and told him how good everything smelled (although he seemed to me the most appetizing thing in the room) and smiled my best smile. He immediately inquired if I'd wanted anything – he'd pay. I nodded; trying my best to appear innocently chagrined and asked if he had anything warm to drink. I was thinking of the warm, chocolaty liquid Jacob had give to me but he offered me something amber-colored and transparent instead. It smelled like apples.

"What is it?" I asked, hugging the Styrofoam cup with my fingers.

"Apple Cider," he explained. "Try it, it's good."

I did as he suggested and hid my disagreement on the latter portion masterfully. He appeared pleased that he'd helped me and so I waved to him, told him thank you and lied about needing to meet my mother and siblings outside. There was a slight worry on his kind face but no suspicion. I turned away as I pushed the door open to hide my mounting guilt. Lies, lies, all lies. How many lies had there been?

I found my way into the secluded part of some park and hid there, sitting on a bench near a narrow trail. I could tell that not many humans made it here – most of them preferred to stay on the outskirts where the flowers grew and the trees weren't so thick. But I loved the forest and felt most comfortable here. Beside me, the apple cider I'd kept became cold. I didn't want to think about drinking it. I didn't want to think about anything at all.

My eyes fluttered closed. I hadn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep today due to the many activities – and the nightmare.

_The nightmare_. I jerked back into alertness at the cold fear it sent racing down my spine. No, I thought, I would not fall asleep like this. I didn't need to see that again, that cold mix of old memories and truth.

Lies are bad, I knew, but the truth hurt even more. How had Nahuel managed to live like this? How had he walked near his aunt so tall and proud and strong? How had he come to see me, to help everyone out? How…?

My Jacob had told me he loved me more than anything. But how could he, I wondered now. How could he?

And Momma… how could _she_ love me? How could she do the one thing that had always been a truth for me? Ever since I remember I knew of her love. It was always there, even through the warm darkness when I had been one with her. Two truths, it seemed, existed where they could not. Impossible.

_More than my own life_, she'd whispered with such warmth I wanted to cry. The locket hung heavy on my chest. Was it a lie or a truth? I couldn't tell.

_I love you, Nessie. _

_We love you, Nessie. _

_Nessie, Nessie, Nessie…_

I felt the world melting away. It was a blissful feeling, one of non-existing. It was slumber, sweet and otherworldly, where I dreamed. I smiled for a second and let myself let go of my last strand of consciousness. If I slept, I could forget about all of this…

If I slept, I could dream…

I realized too late what that also entitled. The nightmare came back just when I wasn't expecting, pouncing like a predator, merciless and cruel. It grinned with its bloody teeth at me.

_It was warm. The memory was fuzzy but I remembered two facts well – I was first warm and safe, and then I was being forced out, into a difference so extreme I never could have imagined it. And suddenly I felt touch – truly felt it on my hot skin instead of trying to get to it through a barrier. The walls had fallen away. I was in the world at last. _

_Daddy was there. He smiled. I stared in wonder. And then I heard another voice._

_Momma. _

_And then the memories which had beforehand been fuzzy and insignificant were thrown into detail so excruciatingly sharp it hurt. I could see every drop of blood, hear every moan of pain. Momma smiled at me, but what I had missed before I now noticed all too well. Momma was broken._

_Something that I'd heard before – the unsteady beats of something familiar that I'd grown accustomed to during my existence was faltering. Her heart. Her heart was struggling to keep beating. What I didn't pay attention to before I understood perfectly now._

_Momma's heart was stopping. Momma was human. Humans died when their hearts stopped. _

_Momma was dying. _

_There was a silence so profound that I stopped breathing for a second. And then the world was thrown into hysterics. I heard Jacob._

"_What are you waiting for?" his voice was in pain. I felt my own heart stutter nervously at the fear in it._

"_Take the baby." _

"_Throw it out the window." _

_I didn't understand then, but the venom in his tone startled me nonetheless. _

_I heard Auntie Rose, but her words were meaningless. The rest of the memory was mixing, a kaleidoscope of pain and fear. Momma in pain, Momma broken, Momma dying…_

A second memory jabbed itself through the first, tearing its material like a knife. It was different, muddled with my drowsiness, but I remembered the bits and pieces.

_I was in familiar hands. They walked with unnatural slowness. It was the first relaxation in a long while. It had been right after the Volturi left. Momma and Daddy were going home. We were safe and we were going to be together. I couldn't describe the happiness I'd felt, the relief. They were talking quietly but I was only listening halfway. They talked of Nahuel, the dark-skinned one who'd come with Auntie Alice._

"_Of course, it looks like he'll have some competition to worry about when the time comes…" Daddy laughed softly._

_I didn't know what they meant. I was almost ready to drop into slumber. Momma's voice answered, seemingly confused. Their conversation continued with a few more exchanges, then Daddy's tenor changed. I tuned in._

"_..an evil creation, a murderer by nature. His sisters all killed their mothers as well, but they thought nothing of it. Joham raised them to think…"_

_I frowned slightly. It didn't make sense, what they were saying. My tired brain struggled to make sense of the words, trying to put together the puzzle pieces that didn't seem to fit. _

"_And, in some ways, he truly hated himself."_

_Momma's voice was mournful. "That's so sad."_

Nahuel was sad?_ I wondered sleepily. _How odd, _I thought. _

_And then the dream came tearing in, mixing the two seemingly unconnected truths. _

_A murderer by nature…_

_Momma in pain.._

_An evil creation…_

_Momma dying…_

_His sisters all killed their mothers as well…_

I cried out in my sleep, trying to force the memories away. They entwined, weaving a deadly picture. It hurt; I felt as if the fabric was suffocating me. The fabric of the truth stung more than ever.

_I killed Momma. _

"_Renes… mee…" she'd whispered, "so… beautiful…" _

_And then her eyes rolled back into her head. _

I woke up with a keen of fear, feeling it wash over me like icy-cold water. The trees absorbed it and their leaves whispered their condolences. They soothed me, trying to help. Jacob had said once that trees knew more than humans did. That they watched over us, that they were creatures of peace and comfort and eternity. But I did not feel any of those things. And eternity suddenly didn't seem too welcoming.

The park was growing less dark. It was early morning – too early to notice any changes yet but my eyes could spot the first colors of the sun barely peeking past the horizon. I contemplated moving again before the humans started waking up but knew that they couldn't see the sunrise for another forty minutes or so. I still had that time to stick around and enjoy the relative peace. While I was awake and busy, the truth was easier to ignore. Once I slept, however, the nightmares began to haunt me again. I wondered how that could be avoided – I knew that no one besides me and my Jacob and the wolves slept. No one had any need for it. It was probably for the best that way. I wondered why I got tired and they didn't. Why I had to be plagued with the uncontrollable truths that stalked my slumber and they could simply avoid it.

Maybe it was because I was a monster and deserved it.

The thought unnerved me, but not as much as the nightmare-truths did. It seemed to fit. A punishment for a monster.

I sighed and let my head roll back, staring at the changing sky. Some of my curls remained in front of my eyes, obscuring my view. I blew them out of the way impatiently and then returned my gaze back to level ground. This secluded part of the park was inviting. The little road stretched in sight only briefly. On my left and right, trees swallowed it up; tall, majestic oaks and maples that were fresh with the green leaves of spring. Their shadows threw intricate patterns onto the dew-laden grass, making a million reflective sparkles in my eyes.

I knew that I could not hide here for long. But I still knew not what to do. To keep running? I would be found eventually. And without anyone with me, it would be impossibly lonely. My heart throbbed at the mere possibility of losing Momma and Daddy. And Jacob. My Jacob. Without him, what would I be? Just another misfit.

_You're special_, Auntie Rose had told me. _Never forget that. You're special and beautiful and smart…don't let anyone make you think otherwise. _

But I thought otherwise. I knew I was a monster.

The lack of sleep, the lack of food, this fear… it was all making me too disoriented. My thoughts were jumbled and fuzzy. If I were to share them now they would come out in a mess of colors and shapes and emotions. A vomit of my realizations.

I climbed off of the bench, down to the ground and began to walk. I left the white Styrofoam cup behind me, not particularly interested in the liquid. It tasted too awkward to me. I was thirsty for something else. I wanted blood.

_The little monster wants blood_, my nightmares whispered and I shook my head violently to repel them. My feet stopped on their own accord and brought me back to the apple cider. I didn't know why I'd forced myself to, but within seconds I'd picked it up and downed it in one gulp. It rolled down my protesting throat forcefully, not dulling the ache there. I crushed the material easily, tearing it with my hands afterwards. It might have been made out of air, not satisfying at all. I wished for rocks or steel to bend and destroy, to vent my anger on. Then I thought of how that would look from a human's point of view and shuddered.

_Monster, monster, monster_, my mind sang gleefully.

_Nessie, Nessie, Nessie_, Momma's voice echoed from somewhere far away. Full of love, caring, gentle, beautiful… I choked on a surprise sob that was half a laugh.

The Loch Ness Monster. Of course.

_Nessie, Nessie, Nessie…. _

I sighed. My brain was still asleep, it seemed, talking as if in a dream. Momma wasn't here. She was probably out looking for me, though. And probably Daddy, too. And my Jacob…

Nessie, Nessie!

I stopped short and turned around. The scenery hadn't changed. The sunset was still looming just behind a horizon, a few degrees short of painting the park in tones of amber, gold and pink. The trees swayed, their forms outlined sharply in my retinas against the pale blue-gray sky. A bird fluttered out of its cover and glided away, as if driven off by something. Or someone.

Nessie!

I frowned. That didn't sound like my own mind anymore. It sounded like…

"Nessie!"

My Jacob! He'd come looking for me after all! He'd found me!

I was instantly torn in half. My body and subconsciousness ached to move towards his voice, seeking the warmth and cover of his big arms and his kind eyes. It was nearly painful to resist the pull.

But my logic tugged me in the opposite direction – away. Away from the truth, away from my nightmare. I didn't want to face the conflict. I didn't want to know – I was too afraid that I would discover myself correct. That I would find out that I _was_ a monster.

I stood still, unable to decide between the two.

"Nessie!" It was closer now. He was near. My feet twitched, ready to carry me anywhere I bid them to. But I still wasn't sure where that was. To Jacob or away?

Jacob or safety?

Jacob or lies?

Or Jacob?

"Nessie!"

"I can't…" I whispered to the trees above me. The sun was tickling their wide crowns. Their leaves whispered to me in empathy. I apologized to them a million times inside of my head for a second, and then took off.

I was fast. The world rushed by with every stride, turning into a strip of colors that all melted away before I could distinguish them. I could barely feel the ground under my feet. I was flying.

But Jacob was faster. His legs were longer and he was powerful, pushing himself farther every time, coming closer, reaching for me. I forced myself into greater velocity in desperation but it was too late. He could already tell I was there and the chase was his. I could imagine him in both forms – wolf and man, running down me, his prey, his gazelle.

"Nessie!"

We fell, we rolled, we slowed to a stop. The world stopped moving and I could see the velvet-orange sky above me through the dark silhouettes of leaves. Jacob's warmth bled into mine – he lay on his side, panting. I didn't dare look at him.

"Nessie," he whispered in pure relief. He sounded as if he'd just discovered that the world wouldn't end after all. I wanted to cry, listening to his voice. "Nessie, thank god – thank all the gods… Are you hurt?"

"Jacob," I murmured, feeling my chest split open and weep. I didn't deserve this. With tears in my eyes I looked at him, seeing his face through the crystal-like droplets of salty water that threatened to fall from my lashes. His face was aglow from the run and he seemed slightly paler than usual, but his eyes were on fire with joy. His hair was matted and messy… sticky with some kind of liquid.

I sniffed and my throat burst into flames – not the kind that kindled his eyes but the kind that destroyed any other thoughts I had. My fear for him, however, still managed to push itself through to the surface.

"Blood!" I gasped, reaching for his forehead, trying to find the wound. He looked confused for a second and then sat up slowly and reached through the dark strands, trying to find the cut.

"Oops…" he mumbled. "Guess I hit it when we fell…"

I tried to wriggle away but one of his long arms was still around my narrow shoulders, holding me in place as if he expected me to try to escape. He was abruptly very cautious and worried again.

"Nessie, Nessie…" he murmured soothingly, in the kind of voice that usually put me to sleep. He held me close and I automatically settled into the crook of his arm. "What happened? What made you run?"

I shook my head. He took one of my hands – it fit easily into his, and tried to bring it to his face, but I slipped it out and pressed both to my chest. I wouldn't give him my thoughts. I didn't want to surrender my darkness – not to him. He'd already done too much. I wouldn't allow him to fear for me any more than this. His gaze searched mine, confused as ever. I wondered if I was being fair.

"Everyone is so afraid for you," he whispered. "We've been searching all night… Nessie, why?"

_Everyone_, my heart stuttered again. _Momma and Daddy and probably Auntie Alice… _

Suddenly, I realized what that meant. _Momma and Daddy_. Daddy.

"Don't tell!" I gasped, pushing myself upward to be closer. He pulled me onto his lap but his eyebrows grew together.

"What? Don't tell what?" he asked.

"Blank! Daddy will… blank your mind!" I hissed at him, trying desperately to explain. It'd taken me nearly a month to learn. How could I teach him in only a few seconds? "Daddy will hear!"

He understood, but that didn't help. "How?" he asked me.

Breaking my previous promise, I pushed my palms up against his warm throat, letting the soft whiteness flood from my own mind into his. It was difficult to keep it afloat but I'd had practice. I concentrated on only the texture of the nothingness – blank, white, bland… Something to skim over, not to focus on. Something slippery, difficult to catch. Not my thoughts, not his, just someone's.

"Nessie," he murmured, but I forced him into quietness by suppressing whatever he had to say with more of the nothing. He closed his eyes and began to shake his head. I felt my own resolve fracturing. "Nessie, don't…"

I increased the pressure of my fingers but he seemed to be beyond that. Gently but sternly, he pulled my wrists away and captured my fists in his huge palms. I shuddered slightly, afraid of what this meant. Did he not want to hide with me?

As if understanding, he softened his grip. "You don't have to run, Nessie. No one's mad at you. Everyone is worried. What are you so afraid of?"

I peeked up at him and shuddered again, but this time for a different reason. He hugged me immediately, incasing me in a net of his long arms, cradling my small form, protecting me. It was instinct – it was what I wanted. It should have made me feel good but not now. Because the thing that I was so afraid of was in this safe haven with us. It was me. I was afraid of myself. I began to shake my head, wanting to make him understand.

He didn't let go. "What is it, Nessie? Just tell me, please. You're driving me insane."

"I'm not running… I'm not scared… of anything," I lied. But it was too difficult to explain truthfully.

"Then why?" he insisted. I sighed with exhaustion and fell silent again. He was warm and he smelled good. He smelled of the forest, of the pinewood and of the ocean near which he'd lived. He also smelled slightly of Daddy's car – I wondered why. "Nessie, you can either explain to me right now or explain to everyone later. I won't let you go again." He was back to small threats. I wanted to laugh at this, but I couldn't summon the happy sound. Jacob knew that he couldn't possibly resist if I asked him something.

"Jacob, do you hate me?" I whispered.

"What?!" his voice was shocked, like I'd just informed him that the world would end. "No!"

"Then let's run away together," I tilted my head up to look at him. His eyes were ablaze with several emotions at once – hurt, betrayal, fear… I hated myself even more for causing him these. But I couldn't stop the sudden flow of wishes. "Let's run away and never come back. Far away." Somewhere where I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.

"No." his voice was firm but he didn't let me go or push me away. So at least he wasn't disgusted.

"Why?" I begged, clutching his shirt. "Jacob – please!"

"No, Ness!" he shook his head angrily. "I won't let you do that! I can't! Tell me what happened and I'll make it right!"

"You can't!"

"You won't know until you try." He took my hands again, uncurling them from their grasp on the clothing and brought them to his cheek again. I could feel the link even though our skin didn't touch. Electricity jumped eagerly, wanting to connect us. I held back the tide of memories I wanted to give stubbornly.

"No," I growled. He glared at me half-heartedly.

"Nessie, please."

I felt tears sting my eyes, but it wasn't by my own demand. They wanted to fall, to work their magic. If I cried for Jacob, I knew he would let go quickly, obey any whims I had. It would be cheating. He had to understand somehow else. Even if it meant hating me. I knew that he would be the only one who could understand, because he _had_ hated me once.

"_Take the baby."_

"_Throw it out the window."_

I shoved the memories away impatiently, but they had left their impression. I was correct about that much. Jacob had seen me for what I was once. The monster. Maybe he would remember back to that. Maybe I would remind him… and he would go back to hating me.

I gasped, because the physical and mental pain both cut through my heart at the same time. It felt as if my chest was suddenly hollow. _Jacob would hate me,_ I wept on the inside. The tears brimmed over, rolling down my cheeks. I choked on a breath, and then realized that something as very wrong. My memories had faded slightly, as if they were being transferred.

I looked up and saw that he'd pressed his cheek to my palm. His eyes were blank. He'd heard.

"_Throw it out the window."_ The memory echoed against my will.

_No, no, no! Don't show him_! I yelled at my own mind, but it seemed too late. The connections started forming. The nightmare was on instant replay.

The morning sun rose over the looming buildings and colored the lawns with its colors. Facets of the dew-drops threw their reflections onto each other, making the light dance. The fresh, white sun rose, still cold, gaining momentum each second. It climbed its way to the sky by minute degree, and although it was too slow, I would have noticed it. The birds, which had begun to sing a few minutes beforehand, were now trilling their songs endlessly. The wind whistled as it raced through the branches and disappeared over the horizon, seeking further lands.

Together, me and my Jacob re-lived my personal hell.

It took about twenty minutes for his eyes to focus on reality again. He woke up looking like he'd just stepped out of a horror movie. As the mass murderer. I wanted to cry again. That was wrong. He should have been horrified with _me_!

"Nessie," he whispered, and his voice was dry and rasp. He swallowed. "Nessie, I don't… You don't really… believe that, do you? That's wrong."

The nightmare rewound itself and then flashed past my eyes on fast-forward. Momma dying, Nahuel hating himself, me killing Momma… No, everything was correct. I cringed away and began to disentangle myself from him hurriedly, knowing his sympathies wouldn't last long. He would remember soon enough.

His breath sped up. I looked at him in fear, wondering if it'd already begun. But instead it looked like he was scared himself. Scared, not hateful.

"Nessie, don't hate me," he whispered.

The world stopped.

"I don't," I whispered back. "But you should hate me."

"I would never!" His dark eyes flashed furiously like live coals. "Nessie, you're the most important thing to me! That, before…"

"_Throw it out the window!" _

We both winced because I was still brushing his face with my fingertips. He became impossibly paler. Almost like Daddy. But unlike Daddy, it didn't suit him at all.

"Nessie, I love you more than anything! I didn't mean that!"

"You should have!" my voice was suddenly shrill and loud. Too loud. "You should have done it! I'd killed Momma, didn't I?! Didn't I?!"

"Don't say that, Nessie, you're wrong!" More fears piled up on top of the first one. They were all different, but they were all fears. Jacob was very scared. I knew that he would eventually find my kind of fear as well. And then he would be scared of _me_, the monster.

"I'm not wrong! I'm right, aren't I? I'm right – I killed Momma, I killed her just like Nahuel… I'm a monster, he was right, you were right! You were right all along! You hated me before, so why didn't you hate me after, too?! How could you, Jacob!? You, at least, should see…"

He was suddenly wound around me again, pressing me tightly up against him. I felt like we were dangling atop a cliff and he was afraid I'd drop. But that was silly because… because he couldn't possibly want me to live after I'd killed Momma, whom he loved so very much… He'd loved her so much…

"Renesmee," he muttered into my hair. His breath was warm against my scalp. I clung to him without meaning to, my arms tight around his neck. "Nessie…" it was a croon. I felt the tears start up anew. "Don't ever say that. Don't ever think that. Don't you understand? Before you appeared… before you came, I didn't even know how to be myself. Before you, I knew nothing. I only knew how to hate!"

I shook my head in denial but my heart was picking up speed hopefully. I wished that he wasn't my Jacob. If he wasn't mine, he wouldn't be able to convince me so easily. But I believed every word he spoke.

"Before you," he continued, "I was bitter all the time. I got on everyone's nerves all the time like you wouldn't believe – I still do!" he chuckled just a bit. "But more, you know, than right now… I was just so angry! But then I saw you and I realized that… that it was all useless! Before you, nothing mattered so much! You saved me, Nessie; you're my angel, nothing less! Nothing less, I swear! Before you, I was blind! I was drowning!" he inhaled my scent gratefully. "Don't ever think that I would ever think like my old self. I wouldn't go back to a world without you for anything. You scared the he-… heck out of me today! Out of all of us!" He shook his head in disbelief, tickling my forehead with his nose. I suppressed a laugh of hysteria through my tears. "And your mom, gods, she'd… She loves you so much, Nessie, she's always loved you! No matter how you came into the world – none of that matters! What matters is that you made it and she made it, too! You both made it! It was a happy ending!"

He sighed in relief. Maybe because I'd finally stopped trying to pull away. Maybe just because he'd convinced himself as well as me. "You're the happy ending, Nessie. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise, not even that dumba-… dumb Nahuel."

I laughed this time. It came out odd through the gurgles of my sobs but he smiled.

"Do you understand, Nessie?"

My world was spinning dizzily, but in a good way. In a way that I could get used to. In a Jacob-y way, the way that he'd always made me feel. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to have him.

"Nessie?" he asked again.

"You're an idiot, Jake," I muttered.

He rumbled a soft laugh, and I felt the tremors of it through his chest. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before." He loosened his arms, reclining me, cradling me. My eyelids were closed almost all the way. I could still see the silhouettes of the trees above us through my lashes. The sky was becoming blue. The leaves murmured in approval. I was warm and safe and tired. I wished that I could reach out with my mind the way I could with my hands and touch them.

_Thank you_, I would say, _I'm alright now_.

My mind was slowly splintering, and Jacob was fading out. I knew he would still be there when I woke up, though. He would always be there.

Reassured, I fell into slumber, unafraid of the nightmares that my werewolf had driven away.


	4. AB Positive

I've been ridiculously flattered lately, and I must admit that you're all experts at making a girl feel proud. However, on that same note, I feel terrified of having to tell you that I don't think this story will last that much longer. I loved it while it lasted but I never planned to stretch this out into a 20-chapter novel. I end it with Alice's point of view now, giving you the happy ending… Do forgive me for the betrayal, I was just too much of a coward to tell you before… You may select projectiles to throw at me now, but let me get my helmet first. *runs off*

On a [maybe?] happier note – I have already started working on another Twilight fanfic, this time focusing on a completely different theme that Stephanie teased us with – Children of the Moon. I daresay it might be horrid since there will be Original Characters but if you want, give it a try. I'll post the first chapter soon (I hope… O_o.)

* * *

Alice

**AB ****positive**

We found Edward just as I'd seen him – standing with his hands in his pockets, but not rigid. Relaxed and relieved, speaking softly to Jacob, who held Renesmee. My muscles finally unfroze after I'd seen him.

Bella nearly broke the door clear off my Porsche trying to get to him. I hit the breaks, executing a perfect stop but she had already jumped out before we were motionless. I didn't mull over this – I was too worried myself. We rushed through the trees, taking the deeper route to the park in the cover of the thick oaks, and then slid to a stop in front of the picture I'd already foreseen.

That is, I'd stopped. Bella just kept speeding like a bullet until Edward had enough sense to notice her and catch her before she crashed into Jake. His arms formed a restraint on her waist and his lips were pressed to her temple, whispering hurriedly to calm her. I watched, amused, as she finally relaxed in his hold and heaved a half-sob of exhaustion. Her eyes didn't leave her daughter's calm face.

Too curious to resist, I jumped to Edward's side.

"So what happened?" I demanded eagerly, having missed the story myself. I was usually the one who got it first.

He hushed me and watched Jacob as the werewolf got to his feet, smoothly enough not to stir the girl in his arms. Bella tore herself away from Edward, though more slowly than before, and clung to Jacob's elbow, eating up Nessie hungrily with her eyes.

"She'll be fine," he told her quietly and she nodded.

I turned back to Edward and glared at him, assaulting him with loud questions inside of my head. He rolled his eyes and finally focused his attention on me. His eyes were impatient.

"Alice, can't you wait?"

"No," I insisted, "This is killing me. Do you know how annoying it is to _not know_ things?"

"I can venture a guess," he grumbled. "Why don't you just look ahead and hear the whole story from me in a few hours?"

"Will you tell it in a few hours?"

"I don't know." He shrugged his broad shoulders and sped up to get to Bella's side, capturing her fingers in his. I watched them, the perfect little family. An overgrown mutt on steroids in love with the child of two vampires… What a plot. I couldn't have come up with this on my own. But the happy ending…

Maybe I knew all along that it would be here for us.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! Hope to see you again! And Happy New Year!! :)


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